It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Randomize
