Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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