will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
