...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
