If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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