Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
