Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
