Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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