Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
