I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize