Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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