Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
