Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
