I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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