I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
