I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
