He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
