There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You need a sexual gate keeper
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Randomize
