If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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