she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
