You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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