Banned from zoo.
Again?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
