y did u give ur computer a hand job?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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