Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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