my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
