Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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