K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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