So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
