on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
