Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
