if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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