can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
