he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize