if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
