i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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