A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
