You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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