Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
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