not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
