i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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