and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize