Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
