Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
