her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize