So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Randomize
