it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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