to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
