Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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