Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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