Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
