This house was built for laser tag.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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