i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
