im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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