at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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