Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
