Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
