So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
