I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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