I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize