is your mom at the bar?
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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