he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm bleeding and have questions
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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