Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
We have so much sex to catch up on
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
