I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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