Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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