I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
