My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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