i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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