We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
