I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
