you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
