please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
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