I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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