I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
