Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
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