My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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