dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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