Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Randomize