I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
