god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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