hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
