I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
