Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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