She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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