So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize
