you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
