I can tuck mytits in my pants
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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