well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
