She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
