I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
