He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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