so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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