addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
