and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
