I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
