About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
