i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
