So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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