I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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