he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
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